Insecurity & Relationships

heart_01_litA few of my friends are going through dating troubles and I could not help to wonder why such gorgeous girls (both inside and out) struggle in finding and keeping love.

finalI’ve had many talks with them to try and get to the core of the issue, but I started to figure out that their biggest hurdle is their lack of inner happiness and insecurity in relationships.

insecurity1These girls have great lives, good families and can hold their own when it comes to work and socializing but crazy enough, they go weak when it comes to men.

Insecurity can be so incredibly hard to overcome because it is something that brews deep inside a person.

Thousands of people can tell a girl she looks beautiful but if she does not feel it herself, than those words just evaporate.

So, the question is how does one work on becoming confident when it comes to relationships?

I brainstormed some points that I think might help with a situation like this.

1.) Get Out Of Your Head

I think a lot of insecure people live in their heads. They are overwhelmed with worry and concern what others think of them. The less you give a shit what anybody else thinks and focus more on your own self assurance – the better. You should not worry about what others think of your relationship, what matters is the happiness between you and your new boyfriend.

bench2.) Stop Creating Chaos

A relationship will never last if you are searching for something bad to happen. That is self destruction at its finest. You need to let go of the fear and guide your mind into a place of peace. Each time you think of a crazy thought, try and bring it back to a place of happiness. Don’t be the girl that looks for trouble. It will get you no where and drive your boyfriend away.

tumblr_mj9kmntxF81qcsk9zo1_5003.) Leave The Past Behind

Your past does not define who you are so if there are bad breakups that haunt you, I strongly suggest you put those feelings to bed before diving into anything new. It is not fair to your guy or your new relationship that you constantly compare them with troubled old times.

shutterstock_1470178224.) Don’t Complain About Your Looks

Focus on the good in you and don’t pick at what you consider to be “flaws.” Own your look and know that insecurity is something nobody can physically see so stop brining it to the surface. Surround yourself with people that make you feel strong and change your negative mindset about your appearance. Train your brain to think with confidence.

tumblr_mfj3tajCEe1rvbnyoo1_500You deserve happiness.

I’ll say it one more time.

YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS.

xo

The Other Hubby

Cheers To All Women

emmy-awards

My first job in Los Angeles was working for the celebrity news show, E! News, where I was presented with the opportunity to star in a Style Network wedding special for Giuliana and Bill Rancic in Capri, Italy. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world as I always wanted to plan an extravagant wedding and travel to such a gorgeous island. Did I mention, it was all going to be captured on camera – it felt too good to be true! The wedding special lead to my breakout role in the “Giuliana and Bill” show and I later went on to star in E!’s “The Drama Queen.”

During the early process of filming reality television, I found myself feeling super energized, incredibly excited and thankful for the opportunity to be around all the cameras, lights, producers, and crew. Starring in non-scripted television shows was a dream of mine ever since I moved to Los Angeles almost a decade ago. At that point in my life, I was super passionate about making it on TV and being part of the entertainment and Hollywood buzz! I use to think, who would not want to be around movie premieres, red carpets, fashion shows, press junkets, award shows and all that showbiz has to offer?!

However, being on reality television showed me the different sides of the entertainment industry, and made me think about what I wanted to accomplish in life. It really allowed me take a moment to sit back and reevaluate my sense of purpose. At the end of the day, everyone wants to feel like they matter and have value but for some reason I found myself feeing really down. Everything that I always dreamt about was coming true and happening right before my very eyes so I could not understand why my gut was telling me to move on. I was unhappy and could not pinpoint why.

Since as far back as I can remember, I’ve always been motivated by the women in my life. From my mother, sisters, aunts, cousins, grandma and best friends, I have always had a close and special bond between each of them. Perhaps, other gay men feel this way too but I always felt a unique connection with the ladies in my life. Growing up, my lovely gal-pals would always come to me with their problems and use me as a sounding board when dealing with break ups, friendship drama, family issues and of course fashion choices. Some would even joke around and introduce me as their “other hubby.” At an early age, I really learned to appreciate the strength of women in all areas especially when I saw them be courageous in time of divorce, drug abuse, eating disorders, etc. Their strength and overcoming such battles was truly an inspiration to me. What can be so powerful about friendship is that two souls have the ability to lift each other up, guide each other and support each other in more ways then one. Maybe having that balance and unconditional love is what really makes the relationship between women and gay men so special. Yes, we have been known to have similar interests but there is an indescribable energy of pure joy when we are in the same room.

A good example of this was when I was going through my own moments of sadness and questioning my happiness. During the reality show filming, I met a woman named, Louise Mohn, that would completely turn my life around. Louise is an entrepreneur and philanthropist from Norway that came into my life at just the right time. We quickly started a friendship and later began working together. She showed me all that life has to offer outside of Hollywood. I learned about working internationally in the areas of real estate, fashion, finance, and business along with seeing other entrepreneurs build up their own companies and add value into the world. I started to feel a huge upward shift in my life, I was inspired by all the hard working people I met, the different cultures and new drive instilled in me. Louise made me feel like I mattered and that there was so much more to learn and experience.

I have endless amounts of gratitude for the lessons Louise has taught me in being patient, humble and caring. Her support gave me the confidence to feel stronger and take on more chances. I guess you can say the takeaway from all this is that what happens to you in life does not matter but what you become through those experiences is what is important. Today, I wake up feeling a huge sense of appreciation for not only the person that I’ve become, but for the women that helped me along the way. They are the forces that inspired me to create my own blog, The Other Hubby.

God Bless and Cheers To You All

Matt Jacobi

No To Passive Aggressive People

Communication can really be one of the most important things in a relationship, whether it is your husband, boyfriend, partner, best friend, coworker, family member or even just an acquaintance.  How we interact and speak with one another is critical in having the message you want well received.

I’v had my fair share of people who can totally be passive aggressive, and I am sure you have met a few too.  Often times, you can leave a conversation thinking, “what in the heck just happened?!”  Yes, feeling more confused than before the conversation even started is very common when speaking to people that have a very back handed way of talking.

The question that I am throwing out there is this;  How do you handle passive aggressive people ?! 

Here are a few handy tips that I think will help you bring a stop to that person who is trying to burst your bubble.

1.)  Be Aware of The Traits

Once you learn the traits of a passive aggressive person, you should have a better handle of how the conversation is going to go. The more you know what to look out for, the easier you are able to control what is being said. Passive aggressive people usually complain about feeling misunderstood, avoid social and work responsibilities, are manipulative, controlling and often exaggerate.

2.)  Refuse to Interact

A passive-aggressive person usually does not know how to handle conflict and often is in denial with anything involving them.  You need to remember the actual FACTS of the situation or conversation and stick with it.  Don’t feed into the imaginary talk that a passive aggressive person will try to feed you into.

3.)  Let It Go

Please don’t harbor any insecure or guilty feelings if a passive aggressive person makes you feel bad.  Remember that it has nothing to do with you.  They want to bring you down SO don’t let them!

4.)  Stand Up

Whether you are dealing with a passive aggressive person or someone that just likes to bring you down, always stand up to them.  Use words and phrases like this to help you out.

-HOLD PLEASE.

-STOP FOR A MINUTE, I DON”T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.

-CAN YOU GET TO YOUR POINT?

-CAN YOU CLARIFY FURTHER?

Remember that nobody is allowed to break you down. Stay strong, be polite, and don’t feed into any of their nonsense.  You have the power to push these types of people away.

xo

The Other Hubby

Do You Believe In Karma?

11846754_397356397077964_1407469605618354503_nCan we talk about the word “karma” for a moment please? I hear it thrown around quite often when life does not go a certain way, especially when it has to do with another person doing harm to another. You know the saying, “Well, wait until karma comes back to them.” I’ve seen the discussion of karma being posted throughout the social media realm and hear it pop up through casual conversations. I too believe that what comes around goes around, but I think there is a greater lesson to be learned when it comes to understanding and using the word karma.

I have not studied Buddhism or Hinduism in depth but can wrap my brain around the spiritual principle of cause and effect. If you believe that actions and reactions are all related in one big loop, then you too probably have a general idea of what karma means. The saying “karma’s a b*!%h” or wishing that “karma bites a person in the ass” is where we should really take a second to stop and reflect.

Believing in the true essence of karma does not mean to hope somebody else gets a punishment. Karma is about acting on goodness and living life from a pure place (not about expecting anything in return, or hoping someone learns a harmful lesson). Doing well for your own inner peace, the people and world around you, will lead you to living a life of more happiness.

Some people may think that those who seem to have a happier life, have it because they have good karma. Perhaps, but it has more to do with the philosophy of being a grounded person. The more conscious a person is on a daily basis about making more thoughtful decisions, and how they act and engage in a kinder, more giving, more humane and more compassionate fashion, the more fulfilling life will feel for them. Bottom line, creating positive habits will deliver more consistent moments of happiness.

If your intent is to give off negativity on other people, do wrong and express anger, your energy is obviously going to be in a dark place. To be more frank, you are probably going to think your life is in the gutter if you wake up every day with hate in your heart. That is not because you have bad karma. It has to do with the fact that your attitude, your intentions, your morals and your mindset totally suck. Connecting with karma is about acting and expressing higher vibrating words like love, gratitude, hope and joy.

Call it what you will, but karma does not involve wishing ill will upon others and hoping that they get what “they deserve.” If you are a believer of positive energy, than your intent should come from a place of goodness and not hoping karma takes care of things. That is not how karma works, or what it even means. The next time you see the word karma, think about if the person is using it in the right context.

If fate does actually work as one full cycle, you do not want your mind to go off-roading by seeking cosmic revenge on another person. You should rather hope life gets better for that person because with goodness in your corner, your side of the street will always be clear. Remember, truly happy people want to see others succeed, not take them down. It should never be about a sense of payback – more like how can you turn any situation into a way to pay it forward.

Whether you’ve been through a breakup, betrayal or a fight, moving on with a good conscious and a healthy mind will only help you become a stronger person. Chaos is not cute, and we as humans want to live our lives in peace. Unfortunately, those unexpected jolts of “what the heck!” are simply life being life. The key is how you handle it, what you take away from it and how you move on to tomorrow, the next day and the day after that.

To avoid getting into a place where your temper and energy is boiling over, I want you to try looking at any argument or disagreement from a different perspective. It is not about punishing the other person, or wanting to get back at them. Rather, it’s about moving on and connecting back to your center:

First, take a minute to digest. Your first reaction is not always the best reaction. Give yourself a few minutes to take a deep breath or even sleep on it.
Consider the source. Is the person battling it out with you in a good place in his/her life? Are they at your speed in terms of happiness, values, etc.?
Is it worth engaging, or can you cut ties and move on without wasting any of your energy? In the grand scheme of life, is it really worth it?
Try and avoid getting defensive or wanting to retaliate with words.
Is there a whole other issue under the surface that is causing such chaos?
Avoid wishing ill will upon them. If they are in a miserable position, that is their battle to fight – not yours.

If you believe in karma or not, I hope the idea of it encourages you to reflect goodness through your actions, intent and words. You may be surprised to see how much better life can be when you have your spirit, soul, mind and destiny aligned.

Peace and Gratitude,

Matt Jacobi

Gluten Free Everything

Last night, I met up with my bestie from the Westie-coast, Michelle.

IMG_1833You have probably seen her on my blog before. I stood up in her wedding, and we are glued at the hip most weekends (along with our other gang of crazy characters).

1441169_10152878889693538_609201865_nMichelle and I totally freaked out when we found out our NY schedules linked up at the same time this week! We could not wait to explore Manhattan together.

tumblr_mf1dkeDkhL1qap3owo1_500

One of things we have in common is that we are crazy obsessed with the West Village.

It is the coziest of neighborhoods and is the only area we could see ourselves living in.

West-Village-Travel-Guide West-Village-visit-spring-New-York-Mybigapplecity-blogvoyageAnyway, so Michelle has some sort of gluten allergy that she has tried to explain to me a million times, but I still just don’t understand it.

tumblr-mbdnbmFsFG1r3ty02o1-r1-500-gif_164556In any case, she picked out a place for us to have dinner at at restaurant called, Senza Gluten!

Yes, the name says it all. An Italian gluten-free diet menu! 

Who knew!??

Take a looksy here!!

http://senzaglutennyc.com/menu/

Yep, my friend Michelle was in heaven.

After ordering glass of rosé (that was unbelievably good), we chowed down on the bruschetta al funghi. It was the perfect start to our gluten free dining experience. The bruschetta was light, crispy and topped off with mushrooms, thinly slices parmesan and truffle oil. I could have ate 100 of them.

img_8249For our main course, Michelle opted for the eggplant parmesan….

FullSizeRender-3

…while I chose this beautiful looking dish…

FullSizeRender-2The fettuccine alla bolognese! 

Holy shit – it was amazing.

We left Senza Gluten VERY happy people.

11898673_10154395925683538_5401313767929085203_nSo, whether you have a gluten allergy or not, make sure you check out this delicious little hot spot!

I can’t wait to go back!!

600_434635801Have a wonderful day.

xo

The Other Hubby

(Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram too! instagram.com/mattjacobi)

Saturday Bliss

There is no place like New York.

I love being in this city.

You have the opportunity to be inspired at every corner.

From all the different kinds of people, killer fashion, creative style, delicious food, and picturesque views.

The overall energy is just unexplainable.

I took this picture driving in from the airport.

Thought you would enjoy it.

Have the best day.

11881784_1705148949720822_1849416648_nxo

The Other Hubby

Confidence, Courage & Can-Do

IMG_5084

Here is the thing: I am not crazy about early mornings, but I really love waking up to a warm cup of coffee especially when it’s handed to me by my boyfriend. I know that sounds like a sentence from a Nicholas Sparks novel, but it is something that really ignites and kicks off my morning into a positive place.

What makes this cup of coffee even more delicious is when he says, “Here is the best tasting cup of coffee in the world.” Now, he is no barista in the kitchen. I would actually say the kitchen is not really his friend. But when he adds positive words like “the best tasting,” it not only excites me but makes me feel like I am really going to enjoy the greatest cup of coffee on the planet. That happy energy and simple uplifting exchange is something that puts a smile on my face before I dive into my workday.

It got me thinking about the words we use in our daily life, and how one or two words can really affect our delivery and the way our brain reacts, thinks and engages with another person or even are own self. If I were to come to you and say, “Have nice day,” does that have or give the same affect as if I were to say, “I hope you have the greatest day, you are going to rock it?”

I find it interesting that it only takes the simplest of changes in our vocabulary or tone of voice to make the biggest change in the way our mind reacts and our attitudes change. Like many of you out there, I am a big believer we have the ability to go from having a challenging moment to having an even brighter and better day by doing small steps following a hiccup or negative experience. Changing your attitude into a sense of pure happiness may seem like a total stretch, especially after a flat tire, work issue, relationship problem or family drama. I get how those conflicts are not easy for some people to do a quick turn around, but if you concentrate on the little aspects of your communication, the way you say things and words you use to yourself and others, then I believe it will allow you the opportunity for a more positive outlook on your day.

Avoid Negative Words & Phrases

For starters, some words that I would avoid using, especially in difficult moments that we may not even be conscious of at the time, include:

hopefully
with my luck
probably won’t happen
we’ll see
I don’t know but…

It’s words and phrases like these that can actually leave your mind on a desert island of negativity and confusion rather than subconsciously guiding you into a state of confidence, courage and can-do attitude. You should have a more powerful sense of conviction in your words and beliefs such as:

This is what I am going to do
I am going to get through this
What I am going to do next
I can handle this!

This also relates to text messages and emails you write. It can be difficult to tell the tone of an email, but most of the time you should be able to feel out if someone is in a good mood, being short or simply can’t be bothered. I always suggest starting an email with a quick and kind introduction, with a similar ending. Do you begin your emails with, “Good afternoon” or “How are you?” It shows the recipient of your email that you are approaching from a positive place, validating their day and that you have good ol’ fashioned manners. It is easier to make a point in an email or make your feelings noted when you are not on the defense or coming at a person with a harsh vibe. It is possible to be direct, firm, with politeness.

How often do you send text messages to your spouse that say, “What time will you be home from work?” To me, such a text does not sound very caring (especially to someone you really love). If you added, “Hi, hope you had a great day, do you know what time you will be home from work?” I guarantee that approach will be more impactful, come off with a higher sense of thoughtfulness and will set the evening into a more happier place. Everybody wants to feel acknowledged especially after a long workday or an hour sitting in traffic, so why not adjust your delivery by adding a few extra words of kindness? It will only allow for a more courteous exchange, which should feed into the other person’s feelings. Feelings and emotions are the root of how we communicate, so why not use words that help boost and continue a smoother way of talking to each other.

I challenge all of you to start your day tomorrow (or after you are done reading this!) by using stronger and higher vibrating words in your communication at home, work, online and even when you are thinking to yourself. We all know that words matter and have a measure of strength behind them. But, it is the words that are encouraging, engaging and uplifting which are most significant.

With that said, I wish you the happiest of all days. You are fantastic.

Gratitude and Peace,

Matt Jacobi

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,295 other followers

%d bloggers like this: