Love You First, Him Second

I remember when my friend Patty came to my house to tell me she was in love with her long time friend, Chris.  The “Patty and Chris Story” may be similar to a couple you know or a personal situation in your life right now, so I suggest you read ahead to find out how Patty got it right in the land of love.

Patty and Chris were college friends at the University of Arizona, they met in a  writing class the first week of college.  Patty was the tough girl from Jersey and Chris the macho fraternity guy from Vermont.  The two hit it off straight away and became close friends.  What they had most in common may surprise you.  Patty and Chris loved to drink.  They would meet up at Chris’s fraternity house and chase down beers like it was going out of style.  Typical college behavior maybe but their partying ways is what brought them to an intimate level.  Patty would end up staying the night with Chris on numerous occasions, waking up the next day not remembering what happened.  Although there were a handful of drunken nights, the close friends had a special bond together and their feelings for each other grew.  They made each other happy but constantly had issues because of their heavy drinking.  It was tug and war relationship between the booze and their feelings for each other.

As the Freshman year started to come to an end, so did Patty and Chris.  Patty would later leave college, move back home and check herself into rehab and Chris would continue to his fraternity brother party ways up until graduation day.  The two lost touch and their love came to a complete halt.

Patty found her sobriety and went on to graduate from a college back East.  She continued to date a variety of guys, even ending up engaged to a doctor who she met while interning at her local hospital.  Sadly, after just six short months, Patty broke off the engagement because of an unsettling feeling she had inside her heart.   Being sober felt empowering, and all the years of therapy had catapulted her self esteem to a comfortable place so she did not want to stay in a relationship where she was not 100% happy.  Patty was ready to make a move out West in hopes of recharging her life.  Patty moved just outside Redondo Beach, California where she hoped to start a new casual, low key way of being.

Chris stayed in Arizona where he went on to law school.  He ended up settling down in a bungalow off the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, California.  Chris did not go to rehab but cut drinking out for good as well.  His younger brother had been in a DUI accident which prompted Chris to end his bad boy ways.

In the Summer of 2011, Chris and Patty would bump into each other at a party that would end up changing their lives forever.  During an evening beach gathering at the home of a famous producer, a moment of magic and destiny would take place.  Patty wore her long flowing BCBG jersey dress with her favorite chunky necklace, wedge shoes and her sun kissed blonde hair up loosely.  She was invited to the party because her close girlfriend was the assistant to the producer who knew that Patty needed a good night out.  When Patty got to the beach house, she was overwhelmed by the Hollywood scene so she went to the outside deck for some fresh sea water air.  She walked outside and made her way down the short wooden stairwell that led to the warm sand where she kicked off her wedges and sunk her feet in.  As she walked to a nearby  rocky area to get a better glimpse of the waves crashing up against the rocks, she heard a man’s voice.  From the top of the deck, a man yelled, “Pat! Is that you?”

Patty turned her heard to look as her hair blowed in her face to see who it was.

It was Chris, dressed up in kaki pants with a crisp white untucked collard shirt, looking very Kennedy-ish.

Patty almost lost the plot.  She could not believe it was Chris.  He had lost 20 pounds and looked amazing.  The two hugged and stared into each others eyes.  They decided to take stroll down the beachy strand, leaving the party behind.  Patty told him about her days in rehab and life after college.  They laughed about the old times and could not keep their hands off of each other.  Patty and Chris decided to have one more sleep over but this time sober.

After one night at Chris’s place, Patty knew that the both of them had grown up and were in a much better place.  She missed Chris so much, she missed his laugh, his smell, their talks, and that natural connection they had, which she could not find with any other guy.  Patty later moved to Malibu where she still lives happily with Chris.  They are celebrating their anniversary this month and continue to be irresistible.

What I hope we all can learn from this love story is that timing is everything.  We need to acknowledge ourselves first, and realize that in order for a relationship to be solid, our OWN platform needs to be strong.   In the case of Patty and Chris, both needed to overcome their drinking problems and internal issues in order for their love to shine at the highest vibration.

If you are struggling on the inside and wondering why your love connection is not working, I suggest you take a moment and reevaluate yourself.  Ask yourself the following question before getting into a relationship;

1.)  Are you ready to be involved in a long last relationship?

2.)  Have you gotten over any past issues (family, childhood, etc)?

3.)  Are you the best possible you?

4.)  What expectation do you have for your partner?

5.)  What positive attributes can you bring into the relationship?

6.)  Are there any negative aspects in your life that may affect your relationship?

7.)  Are you happy and comfortable in your own skin?

I wish you all the best of luck in love but please remember that destiny and having an inner sense of strength plays a huge part in how things will end up.  Please make sure that you love YOU first before committing to a relationship.

xox

The Other Hubby

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