Entering your thirties brings on some weird shit. Some may call it “growing up” (whatever) while others say it is the time when you start to feel more comfortable in your own skin. Besides, those wild years during your twenties are meant for mistakes, late-night parties, experimenting, figuring out your goals, and creating friendships. I like to believe that during this era of unforgettable fun is when you meet unforgettable friends. Sure, you have the potential to make friends at anytime of your life but your twenties involve a period when your mind is more open and perhaps even a little less guarded.
Once the big 3-0 comes around, you may start to see a slight change in the friendships that you considered to be the strongest. It does not mean something “negative” is going to happen but the dynamic between you and the gal pals you once danced on top of tables with till the wee hour of the morning will probably go through some kind of a transformation.
The older that you get the more your priorities change. What you wanted when you were 21 is going to be much different from what you will want at 31, what you considered to be “a fun time” will be a hell of a lot different the higher you climb up the age ladder.
Remember, I am not at all saying life becomes less exciting and that you will lose all your friends, but I am saying to be prepared to see a shift in the energy of your friendships the older that you get. The key is not to have a sensitivity chip on the matter and to make sure you have a clear understanding on the simple mindset that it is all just a part of life (you don’t even have to call it “getting older,” it is just what happens).
For all you lovely ladies trying to figure out why the relationship between you and your best friend feels off, here are a few points to help clear your mind and bring your thoughts to peace.
1.) Your BFF falls in love. This is one of the biggies when it comes to a switch up in the energy of your friendship. True love, real love, and falling in love is a powerful emotion that so many girls long for the whole life. When your bestie finally finds her Prince Charming, she is going to want to make sure she keeps him! Does that mean you will be spending less time with her? Yes. Does that mean she is going to talk non-stop about him? Yes. Does that mean he is going to be the only thing on her mind? Yes, and guess what? You should be supportive.
2.) She starts having kids. When your Saturday night plans turn into Sunday baby shower’s, you know that there is a tidal wave change in the friendship waters. What use to be talks of hunky hook-ups turns into what area has the best school system, is when ya can confirm that the Best Friend has baby on the brain. This can be devastating because there are some chicks out there in the world that just don’t like children. Having to go to lunch with an infant and the girl you use to play beer pong with can be a total mind fuck. Don’t panic. Pregnancy and having little ones is a HUGE life changer – can you imagine what you your friend is going through? Not only has her entire universe changed so has her body and any form of personal time. The fact that she is able to carve out time to spend with you really does mean she appreciates your friendship. Instead of complaining that your BF is now a mother, why not show her some support. The GOOD news is that kids go to bed early so there is plenty of time for wine nights and gossip sessions. She’ll love hearing about all the trouble you have gotten into while she’s been playing mommy.
3.) She moves away. Growing up in the same city as your bestie means that you have spent an abundance of time together. Like many girls looking to create a new life, your bestie may have left the coop in search for a man, new job, or fresh look on life. Don’t feel abandoned or like she left you behind, the positive part about a friend moving away is that you now have a place to visit! She may even inspire YOU to leave the comfort of home too (which I totally think everyone should do at least once in their life!). If your BF now lives on the other side of the world or a couple states away than take advantage of FaceTime, Skype and social media. You can now be connected with your favorite pal in more ways than one by just looking down at your phone.
4.) She no longer wants to party. I remember when my best friend started this whole new health kick, it drove me nuts in the beginning. All she talked about was the gym, turkey burgers, apples and her bullshit trainer. I seriously thought, “Oh God, another phase.” The weirdness started to happen when she told me she cut out drinking. Wine nights at her apartment in Chicago was when we would bond the most, talk about the future and create weird dance moves. After sulking in my own head, I figured if I could not change her mind, I might as well join her. The gym in not for everybody but exercising in some fashion everyone should do!! Taking a time off from alcohol is not the worst thing in the world either, especially when our bodies don’t look like our twenty-something selves. Although your pal may sound super annoying at first, take a minute and try some of her new activities – you never know, you may just LOVE it (and a bottle of wine will always be waiting for you at home).
5.) You hate her new friends. During our journey into adulthood, we are going to meet exciting new peeps that remind us of our O.G. friends back at home. This tends to happen during our first year away at college or starting at a new job, etc. If you feel like your BF has replaced you with her “oh-so-cool” new buds than think again! You can never be replaceable and nothing will ever erase the memories and history that bond you together. One of the most incredible parts of life is meeting new people. They can enrich your mind and make you experience different adventures that you never thought of doing before. My advice to you, is to stop being so possessive and join the club of meeting new faces.
Friendship is like any other kind of relationship, it takes two people to make it work so don’t get all down in the dumps if you feel like you and your bestie are not as close or growing apart. Life is a roller coaster full of ups, downs and everything in between so do your best to be the greatest friend out there, check in with each other, and don’t take things too personally.
One of the many beauties of life is meeting friends that turn into family. They’re not going anywhere so just relax.
The Other Hubby
(Follow @MattJacobi on Instagram & Twitter)