One of my all time favorite quotes I heard Madonna say in her documentary, I’m Going to Tell You a Secret. The film was released back in 2006 and gives an in-depth look at the singer’s life, her marriage, her religion, and her children. It has great visuals and messages that make you THINK!
During the film Madonna asked, “what was I thinking before I was thinking?” I had to meditate on that for a moment. There was something about that line that made my brain click because at least one time in our lives, we all have thought, “what the hell was I thinking?!”
It is interesting how the mind can be so powerful that our levels of consciousness or subconsciousness can take over and run wild. Our first initial thoughts, decisions, and reactions can be a negative way to deal with a challenge so it is important to find peace within before you come to a conclusion.
Figure out the difference between what is reality and what is just an assumption or thought to avoid getting caught up in a huge fight storm.
I have listed a few situations that most of you have probably dealt with at one point or another. Take a peak at how I think you can bring your mind back to center and put a stop to all that extra “noise.”
1. Boyfriend and Girlfriend Breakup
No matter how long a couple has been dating, the end to a romantic relationship can bring on nasty fights. Whether it be a cheating scandal or one not wanting to commit, a breakup can leave the other person feeling like the world has ended. Often, the first reaction is the shock, than the pride kicks in, than comes the anger, followed by sadness. The question is, how should one react when something so shitty happens? There is no easy answer but one of the best ways to handle oneself is – let yourself be human. It is OK to be upset, to be angry and to cry but during the days following your break up, you should surround yourself with a support team like friends/family that will just listen. You may wake up one day and feel totally fine while other days you won’t feel like getting out of bed. The key is to keep your life moving and not dive to far into a state of depression. Yes, it is easier said than done but the more you switch your emotions into taking care of yourself, and putting ENERGY into your other life goals the happier you will feel. The more you concentrate on YOU and lifting yourself UP, the more you will start to heal your heart. During this process, you should start to get some CLARITY that should bring some form of peace to the breakup. Did you enter the relationship knowing he was the wrong guy? Did you ignore any red flags? Why did you choose a boyfriend like him in the first place? Were you both ready to be in a relationship? I understand that breaking up with your boyfriend is dramatic, but you have to remember that for whatever reason – it was just not meant to be. Avoid going into victim mode and use this life shakeup to better yourself.
2. Dealing with a Family Fight
Why is it that we tend to fight most with the people that are related to us? That is a loaded question to say the least and each family has their own dynamic, make up and DNA. Whatever the reason is for a fight, you must sit back and ask your self; what is the core to the problem that is causing all this chaos? Taking a moment to gather all your thoughts and see BOTH sides of the story can lead to a resolution. At the end of the day, if you are wanting to find peace than it is important to use the correct language and be open to C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N. When it comes to family drama, resolving a fight is not always black and white and the only option may be for both parties to agree to disagree (AND MOVE ON!). Obviously, not everyone is going to like each other but there is still a level of respect and kindness that should stay consistent among family members. Being the better person does not always mean “giving in” but rather stepping back and being aware of the situation at hand. If there are toxic people in your family that cause nothing but problems than distance yourself and protect your own boundaries. Don’t expect people to automatically change (especially if there are some deep rooted issues) but make sure you keep your side of the street clean. Avoid being critical, judgmental or saying anything that is going to stir up an argument. Having a civil conversation is much easier than what you think. If you have already reached out to the family member you are in a tiff with and you both can’t come to a mutual sense of forgiveness than at least you can find calmness in your heart that you tried.
3. Coping with Friendship Drama
How many of you out there have found yourself feeling so disappointed in a friend that you wanted to completely cut it off? I have figured out that the higher your expectation you have in a friendship – the bigger the disappointment! Although, it is important to embrace your gal pals and create an endless bond, don’t make it your job. Friendships should be organic, fulfilled and full of laughter. Loosen up and don’t take everything so personally! Try to avoid being high maintenance and not to overreact when things don’t go your way. If you are in a huge fight with your friend and you want to move forward, meet face to face. Sending a text message or secret coded post on your Facebook wall will do absolutely NOTHING! Pick up the phone, set a date and talk it out. If your friendship is worth it (to the both of you) than it should be easily repairable.
The Other Hubby