You First, Him Second

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I have been around all kinds of women and their husbands. It is super interesting to see the dynamic of couples and their exchange of love and sense of support for each other. Perhaps, in the years past, I have observed that wives have been super overly concerned about their husbands needs and wants over their own. You know what I mean, making sure he has dinner, his lunch is packed, his work day went well, his doctor appointments were made, he remembered to drop off his dry cleaning, he watched what he ate, he had time to work out, he called his relatives, he smiled frequently, laughed, felt “taken care of,” etc, etc, etc. This insight could just be from my own little window but lately I am seeing a different shift in the strong ladies around me and – I am loving it.

3230982544_8a0e82e35bWomen are saying goodbye to codependent coupling.

happy-hubby-19501Their own dreams are being focused on!

tumblr_static_meridagifMore and more “Amal’s” are leading the way.

Amal Alamuddin arrives at Hotel Grande Bretagne in AthensYes, the mysterious, educated and one women-show of Amal Clooney has set the groove for ladies around the world to be just as mighty as the man standing next to them. Am I saying her platform is as strong as her famous hubby’s? Yep – and maybe even stronger. The picture of Amal that I have in my head is that she loves her husband, has a solid relationship with him, but at the end of the day can survive without him. Her needs are just as important as his and whatever he can do, she can do too. She had built up her own platform and profile prior to wedding the salt and pepper hunk and does not need his spotlight to brighten her already well laid out path. Sure, there have been other fabulous examples prior to Amal but it is certainly nice to see such a fresh owning it.

You-MatterMy question for you is, do you think times are changing and more women are feeling like they need to create their own foundation before getting hitched? Do you think this has anything to do with the high divorce rate or fact that couples are getting married much later in life? Are more and more girls growing up wanting to have careers of their own before tying the knot? Is your voice being heard in your own relationship?? Do you know that you matter!? You have purpose?!

bloodandsand-00259I believe in you.

xo

The Other Hubby

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One Comment Add yours

  1. RAC says:

    As a 40-smmmmmthn woman, divorced mother of three, providing for her kids on her own….when we were raised the role of Wife was to care for the husband as the provider of the family. Then the children. Then the house. THEN ourselves.

    I found out the hard way, that the so called provider was just looking for another Mommy. Gee that list of all the guys to NOT date, I hit almost every one in just one guy lol!!

    In any case, I think – and am thankful for – the fact that my children know to provide for themselves first. A spouse can supplement the household, but its normal and in fact I EXPECT them to not just survive but THRIVE as individuals.

    I think that the generation coming up is very different from those of the past and we won’t be having this conversation anymore. Women are coming into their own and that is a beautiful evolution. I also feel women need their “Posse” and its not numbers that count, but quality of the people you surround yourself with. Mine have pretty much saved me over the last five+ years. I would have been lost without my support group. Healthy support group. Not that one that has you out drinking/partying/basically running from the pain.

    Women need to be kinder to each other, be there to help us grow, and I can say they STAY while men….well, they aren’t all that static are they?

    Having said all that, if two people agree that they’d like one to stay home, play a different role versus provider-she-woman-jane-of-all-trades, there is nothing wrong with that! Communication in a relationship is key, being flexible, putting your children first and not each other. Being equal, but equally comfortable and fluid in switching roles when the situation calls for it. Partnership is a better word in my dictionary than marriage (only because my own experience defined the last 20 years as anything but that).

    Stepping off the soapbox now 🙂 Peace

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