Why is it that some of us get sucked into a vacuum of egotistical people with such self obsessed energy that it leaves us exhausted?? I try to be very alert of who I am dealing with and who I devote my time to. Unfortunately, we can’t control the way people act so it is up to us to put up personal blocks and keep all that yuck out.
No matter where you live, there are people we will come in contact with that are so self involved. They feed off of attention or even reaction. I like to call these aloof, bragging, boastful and narcissistic people, “vampires” as they are so good at draining out your energy. You know who I am talking about, those people that only talk about themselves, only call when they need something, and only come around when it is convenient for them.
It is one thing to be a caring, kind person and listen to a friends, colleagues, relatives, or acquaintances life story or recent drama. However, it is another if you get trapped in a one way conversation. The me, myself, and I people are the ones you want to avoid at all costs. They are really not good for you. Sometimes it is better to cut them off cold turkey than try and save the relationship. Because – at the end of the day, they need to want to change and will need to acknowledge on their own that their behavior is wrong. Nobody likes to be in a relationship, friendship, work environment, or conversation where it is ALL about the other person.
Here are a few easy and friendly tips on how to handle an “energy vampire” without coming off too aggressive:
1.) The first thing you need to do is be aware if the person that is draining your energy has good intentions or not. What type of character does this person have? Are they a gossip queen? Do they treat their other friends, family members, or colleagues all the same? Sometimes these types of people don’t know they are being draining or that they are talking only about themselves (a lot of people like to talk about themselves). The more you are aware of what type of person that they are (if they come from a good place or not), the more you will feel like their actions are not directly related to you. They just don’t know better. If this is a good friends or relative of yours and you feel like you can communicate your frustration than you should definitely try and express yourself. Do it in a calm, cool and collective way where they won’t feel threatened. You can even try and make a joke out of it.
2.) I suggest you remember to use the right language when they are in your presence (keys to getting the heck out of a conversation!). Don’t be afraid to cut the conversation short if you start to feel a little anxious. Keep your ground and don’t let them put words into your mouth like forcing you to stay longer and chat. Set up your own boundary from the very beginning and give yourself a time limit of how long you want to talk to them. Even if they call you, tell them that you have a certain amount of time to talk because you have something very important to attend to. Remember it is ok to say things like; “that is not going to work for me” or “I need to take a rain check” or “now is not the best time” or “I can’t commit to that right now.” Minimal acknowledgments in a conversation can also wrap things up such as; “Yah, sure,” “Uh-huh,” and “Hmm.”
3.) Self obsessed people pry on people pleasers as they know that someone with less of a back bone will bend their own needs to please, listen, and devote all that they have. This is where the draining comes in because you end up giving up so much of yourself with nothing in return. Not even a genuine “how are you?” So, don’t be a people pleaser.
4.) Check yourself first. Before you are able to commit to an event or simply a conversation where you have felt drained, make sure you are fully rested, comfortable and feeling confident in your own self. Eat right, go to the gym and take care of you before you attend to somebody else’s needs. If you are not feeling well don’t push yourself.
5.) I have said this so many times before but take a moment to think about all the people that you come in contact with on a daily basis. Is there anyone that you can cut out? Are the people in your life supporting you or making you feel tired and weak? Surround yourself with like minded people – remember misery loves company so don’t join that party. That goes the same for self obsessed people, they connect with others who are good at giving them validation around the clock so do yourself a favor and stop being the one that is always handing out compliments and ego boosters. They will get the hint!
If you find yourself being in a one way conversation or hanging out with someone that is draining the life out of you than remember who is in charge – it is YOU!
So, don’t make up excuses on why you feel obligated to continue the relationship. Learn how to side track conversations where you skew the topic and bring it back to where you both are being good listeners and are contributing equally.
The Other Hubby